this blog for my friends who cant read Arabic ..
on the layers of fear
it is not courageous to talk about fear
not courageous to say you are afraid .. but i am
afraid
I Marianne Nagy Hanna an Egyptian Coptic woman talking about my life in Egypt .. my layers of fear
Layer ONE:
in an egyptian city upper egypt a coptic priest participating in a demo opposing the offensive movie recently says we have offended Mohamed .. the messenger of God .. I couldn’t fully understand the guy !! you are a Coptic priest how come you consider Mohamed the prophet of Islam a prophet? Christianity doesn’t acknowledge any other religions? if you do you either a Muslim or you are afraid !!
An Egyptian American woman reported to have beaten Moris Sadiq a famous Copt said to be involved in publishing the famous offensive movie in the US with her shoes telling him “if any of our families was hurt in Egypt their blood is on your hands”
A young Copt names Albert Sadiq did as thousands of Egyptians did sharing the offensive movie on their Facebook pages and discuss it was arrested, beaten up badly after hundreds of angry muslims demonstrated in front of his house shouting “God Almighty you son of bitch” then his lawyers talk about that he sustained neck injuries as if someone tried to slay his throat
I AM SCARED
My neighbor a female doctor in her 50s , a Copt lives alone, her families have immigrated or died .. she lives in constant fear , she thinks angry mobs will break into her house anytime
I hear a lot of sheikhs … one calls me infidel another says it is ok to kill whoever offend Islam .. and that Christians should be careful from insulting their masters and of course i won’t forget the usual calls .. if you don’t like it you can always go to Canada
I look at the faces of the angry men and women in front of the American embassy and tahrir and even online ,,, someone burns the Bible and other curses me and my family on TV and another confirms that it is ok to burn the Bible , it is fake anyway .. and not as effective as the Quran and the diaspora Copts those dogs will pay a price..
anger ,,anger ,, anger
I imagine if i passed those angry mobs .. and one of them by chance discovered i was a Copt ,, ,what would be his reaction? would i be safe? i have been there before .. during maspero..got beaten and barely escaped ..
if i escaped now .. what about afterwards ?
I know a lot of diaspora Copts and muslims and many of them are not traitors
Have we become sitting ducks waiting for the next attack? this is what i feel now
why do i have to pay the price always for a crime i didn’t commit .. for no reason other than i was born a Copt in a country of a muslim majority that had a revolution that brought muslims into power ?
is that a crime?
yes i am scared
a famous sheihk and a regular guest in talk shows says to a priest .. my religion orders me to hate you
and another instigate violence against churches and no one does anything
My government officials only talk to their “families and people” .. what about me? i am out of their plans apparently
How can you ask the work to respect you religion while you don’t respect any others’ …. how can you ask them to not offend yours while you do that every day ?
Why don’t they respect my religion?
I am being called an infidel everyday on tv and a journalist in a National newspaper calls my holy book “the faked book” and their faked religion?? and another talks about myths of christianity .. and i am allowed to object for social peace and harmony !!!!
and if you talk you will find the answer “christians and jews will never be satisfied unless you follow them” as the Quran says
WHY ARE THEY ASKING THE WORK TO RESPECT THEIR RELIGION WHILE THEY DONT RESPECT ANY? and we are not allowed to object
YES I AM AFRAID
i get nightmares every night … are we waiting for the next attack? it seems no one gets punished for anything … our president releases former terrorists .. and no one is being punished for anything …
i imagine .. what if my muslim neighbors got angry for something .. may be some one in some country int he world offended their religion or their prophet? will they break into my house?
trash my car ? harm me? i don’t know anymore .. i thought i knew the answer .. now i don’t
everything is just possible
all i know is that in anger everyone forgets about “tahrir is for all egyptians .. Mohamed and Mina are one !!
what if i said something wrong on Facebook or twitter? what will happen to me? where angry mobs follow my and publish my address as they did with Albert? the angry will come to my house beat drag me and kick my mom to the street shouting allah akbar? then hand me to the police? to be persecuted?
bess i am afraid .. well terrified
Layer TWO:
my best friend’s wedding was couple of days .. i missed the mosque ceremony so i decided not to miss the party .. it was a beautiful party
me and my 2 girl friends dressed our best to celebrate the male member of the gang .. after the party almost midnight i offered my friends to drive them to the nearest place
one of them is veiled and beautiful .. she stood waiting for a cab and we deciding just to stop with the car waiting until she finds one .. for more than 10 minutes we have received tens of obscene offers harrassments .. and we were very tensed .. the joy of the wedding is no more
she finally finds a cab and we made sure we wrote down the plate number just in case
we continue driving and all the road we have heard all kinds of indecent offers, cursing, harassment .. the trip from the wedding venue to home has become a real threat .. just because we dared to look beautiful on a wedding night
yess i am scared
yesterday we had a meeting at the office .. this means i have to dress formal .. this means you have to look nice, and that is a bad thing ,, the distance from the parking lot to the office is a daily fear trip for me ,, anything can spoil my day .. a word, a touch, a threat … what would happen if i am dressing formal .. a suit or a skirt and heels !!!
i walk from home to the supermarket .. whenever someone gets closer i hold the shopping bags close to my chest preparing myself to anything .. to the worst
i am afraid
i don’t want to be afraid .. how can i keep living like that ?
Layer THREE:
have i thought to have children … in egypt ?
what if i had a girl ?
i won’t get her into a school where she is forced to learn about islam on her first day then called an infidel on the next in Arabic language lessons ?
will she go through all what i going through at the moment ?? in the streets, transportation .. or even worse ?
what crime would i commit ?
what future am i offering her ?
what type of education am i providing for her?
I am scared .. terrified ..
My country doesn’t look like me anymore ..
everyday .. it gets worse ..
nothing here is like me .. and i feel like a stranger !
this feeling is killing me ..
i don’t want be afraid
i can’t keep living like that
YES I AM AFRAID
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